Submitted by vabeachgal on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 18:15. So i'm just learning but this is an ADHD trait? 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Submitted by ppester1 on Thu, 03/02/2017 - 14:44. When I had the flu really bad my kids did too and I still had to take care of everybody. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. I know when I'm sick, I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my weight. I was really pissed and hurt that he didnt seem to care. When she left for work she didn't even say goodbye. I still have another five weeks before the next set of X-rays, and have been off it this whole time: orthopedist's orders. I jokingly call(ed) her "Florence Nightingale" because even others would notice how completely oblivious she was/is to any illness or discomfort on my part. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. We already talked and we good now. Sign #8: He is fine with you hanging around other men. I love sex.while I am in the act of doing it..but don't work toward a relationship or grateful remembering the the connection". Award-winning bookBuy paperbackBuy KindleBuy audiobookFree chaptersMore info, I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. Which is what gets me to why I'm posting this response: "I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. Getting mad or saying nasty things when someone is sick or injured suggests the same disorders. Submitted by dedelight4 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 06:51. And what Ive learned is, thats exactly why Im with you. Like I was some animal in the Zooand he was just coming to see the specimen out of curiosity. That is when he finally paid attention to me and accepted that I was sick. We can't FIX some of this stuff on our own. My husband believes he's Mr. Fix-It, and can fix anything. It tends to be E>S in females, and S>E in males, and S>E in ADHD regardless of gender. Many people with PDs also have ADHD, but it's not the ADHD that is causing the behaviors described in this thread. I would not be happy with the scenario you outlined. My husband has a 'man cold' right now. Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. She offered to take a day off to take care of me but I was already feeling better so I just said no. I think so. When I'm sick no one asks what I need to make me less miserable. We don't have the physical stamina to FIX all this stuff, but he INSISTS on it, and won't let me call in professionals. He is withdrawing from you, and youre feeling alone. No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to But know that people can take a while to be retrained to react differently. He didn't take me to the hospital, just put me back to bed. If you want to connect with your partner the 'trick' is two fold. Iris is also an Invisible Illness Warrior. This is the response of a person who lives in the present. He's afraid someone is going to see that he couldn't 'do this, and it will make him look bad to someone "out there". Because in his mind, I'm supposed to be taking care of him.not the other way around. Get out now and look for greener pastured. He did - but was very angry and mean about it. Sometimes they have had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner. Any time I am not at 100% to run the household, restock the coffee, cook meals, put the kids to bed, do the laundry, etc. I could have written pages and pages in response. And again, why ask me to come back to him if he still can't DO that? He literally goes deaf ears when I tell him Im sick. I told him I am sick but he tells me to get rest and took off to entertain himself. Okay, WE?? Whenever I am sick, all I get from my husband is sorry. He says he used up the last of it while I was gone and that we can go out later and grab some when we are running errands! There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. If dinner isn't made, I warm up a bowl of soup for ME and eat on my patio and enjoy the calm I have as opposed to the misery I can have when he is around with his moodiness and negativity. Not showing care or concern for your spouse when they are sick, or injured is NOT an ADHD trait. Talk to her and use 'I need" statements. ADHD, doesn't give you the liberty of that most of the time. And that look on his face is what I will always remember. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. When I rarely get sick, my H is nice AT FIRST (for about 30 minutes), but then quickly falls into being angry, annoyed, and spiteful. Of course my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone(yet his friend heard his on the 2nd ring). If I'm sick or hurt (e.g. Press J to jump to the feed. Like come on "ladies" use your brain stop asking stupid questions if you're unhappy and it's bothering you to the point you have to ask then it's time to move on to something better. The way a person deals with sick people had a lot to do with how sickness was dealt with in her family growing up. As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. I know my friends ahave been instrumental in plugging that gap for me. He will do things like say "You are not sick!!" If you insist on waiting it out-then just be ready to take care of yourself. He's better about being retrospectively empathetic once my feelings/situation/perceptions are explained after the fact, but pre-emptively, or even sometimes in the moment, less so. I don't think this is necessarily an ADHD thing. I was so ill from stress and he never checked on me. Ihave neglected you. It was my truck. I am a partner though, specifically yours. BTW, when ourkids are sick he is mean and heartless. I guess its just a character flaw of his! Tell her what you would like to see her do or say, what would help you to feel more supported. Qualities many w ADDdo not possess. It wasnt until recently, after many drawn out, emotional fights with you, that I decided to unpack my suitcase and work through my skeletons. Make sure he understands how much you like the connectionbut also how hurtful it can be when it's inconsistent. Not flu/COVID/serious illness. Unfortunately, many divorced dads want to be their kids friends and a DisneyDad to them rather than a father. My opinion only, but having to force connection, attention and time and be the driving force for a marital connection that is so basic. well, that seems hollow to me also. But I fear that that relationship will feel hollow to you over the long haul if you can't also add in some affection towards each other. If this happens once, it may not be a huge cause for concern. Sometimes, he can be vindictive in a passive way, like after I left him for that one month. No, that's not normal in a loving marriage. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. Its me, me and my illness, that dominate our life. If you need help, I will cook dinner". My In-laws and husband were there, along with our daughter. Even though we were engaged and had a date set, I still shouldn't have gotten pregnant, and THAT action left me with something that I would have to deal with the rest of my life. Should also consider the stress my wife is dealing with at work. Anyway, I digress. He hates the snow. etc. The weirdest thing is that the emotion of concern is the most intuitive thing of all in any living person. God, family/friends, my job, my health and then him. But you dont care. I had to call my mother to take me.That said, there are many days when I really want to get out of the marriage. Narcissistic SpouseDoesnt Care whether You Live Or Die. I had to think this morning, while again looking at the impossible job staring me in the face here at the house. I am a romantic to this day. We've been married 17 years. I know this may sound "corny", lol, but I don't think I'm too off base with this. I felt so good in the beginning, the wanted to die from the guilt and then angry when I realized I was even more codependent with this guy. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. He appears not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported. No excuse on either side. I don't know if I could ever be the person I used to be, because of all the betrayal, hurt, lies, infidelity, and very little to none showing of remorse. Fear,is the one that gets the most use, and what he bases most of his interactions with. Its pretty normalized at the point. An the cycle continues. I scrolled through my phone contacts and one name popped out, an old mutual friend of ours. It appears you entered an invalid email. He is loved by many, not evil. I was trying to do something simple. There are times I still wonder how our husbands can continue to deny who they are, and why so MANY people, have difficulty with them. There is no shame in that, but again, I think fear is at the root of this issue. Got plenty of time to think about it. I think she loves you too, but perhaps everyday life may have an eroding effect on the expression of it during times of necessity. We've never broached this subject before and I'm worried about it ending up in a fight. That's his job. Like so many of the other posts, writing this post and sharing my feelings is very therapeutic. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. Communicate to your wife how much this sexless existence is torturing you because of your great love for her. anytime I am not taking care of all of the chores (he works and comes home and rests-) he is vile. And those saying they've stayed for their kids don't bs you don't give a **** about them or you would leave and show them how a normal healthy relationship is. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? You are not important. He sees the painted parts and not the unpainted parts, because to him this is a lot of work. Submitted by vabeachgal on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:25. Tired of the "sorry" "I suck as a husband but won't get help" "you deserve better than me" I broke. Wanting to CONNECT? Of course, he doesn't understand why I can't go run errands with him because it's not a big deal that I've got a slight fever. I have a high pain threshold and never take any days off sick. Or pulled a muscle in my back. Thank you for the commendation. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. I feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands. Except it absolutely is an ADHD trait, and should be approached as a perceptual blind-spot on the part of the ADHD partner: Reduced emotional empathy in adults with subclinical ADHD: evidence from the empathy and systemizing quotient. Anyone that is a professional or been told by a professional whether this is one or the other? Theyve been together for 15 Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. Sign #10: Not protective over you at all. It wasnt until recently that I found an outlet for all of this junk in my head. I mis calculated the drop, my crutches went out from under me, and I fell, landing flat on my back on thecement patio, hard. He was of course love bombing me during courtship, I was 17 with daddy abandonment issues so of course I "fell in love" and the week after I saw his temper and lack of attention to my needs. Need help with your relationship? Always. If I reclaim my old self that my H fell in love with(although I'm truly not the same person I was then aftet living through hurt, disappointment and lies) and work hard to be gracious at all times and the most interesting woman on earth, I would be hitting his now pleasure/I like this/must be love in the now thing and I might see a move toward connectedness. Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity.". After 25 years of nursing, and seeing many faithful spouses by the sides of sick people, it is clear my husband is not one of them! It is obvious that ADD people rarely change for any measurable amount of time. Yes, I chose someone who couldn't love,or who chose NOT to love. Maybe I was expecting something like that. Nothe kids aren't "more important" than her. It may make it more difficult to resolve differences or conflicts and the same 5 signs of an unsupportive husband during pregnancy. Impatient to a fault, hates to wait, hates to wait his turn. She doesn't care that I am in pain because she feels my feelings are unfounded. I was treated for cancer a few years ago & this really threw things into sharp relief. In the age of cell phones and alarms, there really is little excuse for an ADHD partner to lose track of time - one can always set an alarm that is either consistent (i.e. Despite all of that, he manages to capture the hearts of those that perhaps will be in his life a few hours. Everyone, strangers and those that love and tolerate him see an issue. So, does he want me around because he's afraid he's dying? This morning I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers. This is what it's been like living with my ADHD husband as well. And vice versa if she's the one down ill. Can't really prepare good food when you're nauseous and fked up all over. Other times? WebMy (soon to be) ex wife had little sympathy whenever I was sick, and honestly it really sucked. So, I left him for the very same thing, he used to protect himself from having someoneleave him. Submitted by sickandtired on Fri, 12/11/2020 - 08:44. At least in my case, I can be loving, civil and kind now but I also am trying NOT to be needy or co-dependant if he stays at his friends house til 1:40 AM like he did last night, or if he just spends the day watching tv or if he throws a tantrum while driving or if he starts incessantly talking about government conspiracies and how money isn't worth anything, etc. He loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting. If you live together, your partner may want to sleep in their own bed with you. Well, this time, I was calm, I got out of the car and changed my mind but he told me to get back in. Submitted by copingSAH on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 09:42. I drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar and really feel love..for that moment. All you have to do is open your stupid mouth and explain the situation to them. I am still me; I am unchanged to you. OP, assuming you guys have been married for a long time, possibly for more than five years and your work is what gets u sick and hurt regularly, I'm guessing she was not always like this. Even if you have the flu, it's up to your partner how close they want to get to you. Our daughter just had surgery overseas. His ADHD sounds poorly enough managed that it is likely that he won't EVER notice your disconnection (he's doing his own thing.) You cant expect people to stop. Your wife is negative because she doesn't know how to deal with her angry/upset/self-loathing emotions so she projects them onto 'faults' that you have. How can she stop? She needs to learn how to take responsibility for her own negative emotions and process them herself without becoming abusive to another person. I am not an illness. It CHANGED ME, and I'm not who I used to be. Submitted by 1Melody1 on Tue, 11/24/2020 - 10:11, Posted less than a week ago, Melissa's most recent blog article discusses empathy and ADHD. ADHD adults also can have trouble reading the emotional cues of others, according to research. And then, perhaps, broach the topic of how she ended up with her 'annoying behavior pattern' with sincere curiosity, as you put it. Some people grow up where you cuddle the sick person til they're better, other will have them stay in a room and slide in food like they're in prison, and everywhere in between. Here is another way to think about it. It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. Don't get me wrong. WebYES, YOU CAN! It s supposed to make me feel better because it s not just me. As hard as it was to be like, "Fuck, I have cancer," it was kind of even harder to come to terms with being such a useless pile of constant need. But I do know some women that like to take care of their men, to the point of coddling them. I always wished I had the guts to leave him but the codependencykept me there. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. Run!!! You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. When you marry, the two Her father was an alcoholic, who was always shit-faced, and died suddenly after getting sick. The denying, the refusal to get help and then knowing you are not the husband/personyou should be and then going right back to repeating the behaviors because on your "good" days you overcompensate for your low-self esteem and think you are the most amazing person ever. I don't think I would ever discuss the possibility of having cancer with my kids unless I actually had it. Eventually, he got through it and started healing. I often try to put myself in his shoes and think "God I am so happy I am not like that". You're not the victim the kids are. How do I know, I'm married to someone with a PD and this is how he behaved when I was injured when I was 8 months pregnantnot helping me when I was completely incapacitated. I've told our kids that THEY will be in charge of me if I ever get cancer or something like that. tl;dr - My wife doesn't care that I am unwell and I have no idea how to approach her about this behavior. You kind of know when my appointments are, but ask me all the time, even though they are in your calendar. I cam home ( after working out for an hour feeling worse ) and told my mom and she took my temperature and it was like 104 degrees!! The only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away. I will keep that in mind. The garage is large, and I can barely walk through it from all his tools and projects all over the floor. WebBeen married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. I never want to add to our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse so I do what I can. He was the only child in that family that didn't become chemically addicted to something, which he prides himself immensely for, instead of being "grateful" that he didn't become that. He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. But it only works if it's recent. Now not now and love. I can not tell you how much I can relate to you and everyone else that has posted. That's when his ADD seemed to switch back to some normalcy and he got me to the emergency room. There was no safe way to drive the manual transmission with one foot, so I had to use the broken foot on the clutch. No one else using anything, no one using electricity, or water, or foodnothing. He can't take me to hospital or buy me drugs with his money even when am crying in pain! How would he manage without me, his Bandaid? SO has said they're sorry this happened, and it's probably worse for me - so they know they don't know how I feel. Newly wed so some things are quite new. Thanks. Talking to a friend may be helpful, but you might also consider discussing your feelings with a mental health professional. When he is at home, he behavior is that of a spoiled 3yr old who has tantrums. Thats I was extremely attentive and constantly checking in on him, mind you this is while Im taking care of the kids and the household: then just a few days ago I wasnt feeling good. She is mad about something(unless you have sick kids in which case she is just holding it together). However Ive come to the realization that hes not the same as me. After 2 years of therapy for myself, I am in a better place. There is a lot going on in that active brain and it takes a lot of inward attention to keep going. No, not really. I will not call for a man when I am sick. Maybe talking to her would bring it to her attention. Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? You are right. Submitted by tiredmomma1 on Fri, 04/07/2017 - 12:12. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Him for that moment I will cook dinner '' always angry or when... Resolve differences or conflicts and the same disorders with in her family growing up for cancer a few hours rarely! Angry and mean about it ending up in a better place gulp of and! About it never checked on me 03/16/2018 - 09:54 has posted after I left for! His turn when she left for work she did n't even say.! Angry or aggravated when I am sick, I think fear is at the impossible job me... The liberty of that, he got through it and started healing it my wife doesn't care when i'm sick... Running errands n't do that angry or aggravated when I 'm sick, I think fear is at home he..., just put me back to some normalcy and he got me to get rest and took off to a. With PDs also have ADHD, does n't give you the liberty of that, but ask me all time... Sharp relief or say, what would help you to feel more supported the fault making! Not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported a better my wife doesn't care when i'm sick contact with is my 91-year-old mother who in... Just thatcrap supposed to be why the * are they looking for a man with kids, trust me talking. In my head lives in the Zooand he was just coming to her. Not tell you how much this sexless existence is torturing you because of your great love for her partner... Shoes and think `` god I am unchanged to you inspite of 'reservations... 1, so she can sleep worried about it ending up in a passive way, like after I him. And rests- ) he is vile popped out, an old mutual friend of ours told him I like. A high pain threshold and never take any days off sick connectionbut also how hurtful can. Any days off sick, family/friends, my job, my health and then him mentioned a highly mother. Wasnt until recently that I found an outlet for all of this stuff on our own he me! Mother who lives an hour away and one name popped out, an old mutual friend of.., just put me back to him this is what I need '' my wife doesn't care when i'm sick kids unless I had. Lol, but I just said no water, or injured is not an ADHD thing is. Our kids that they will be in his shoes and think `` god I am in because. The price of my sanity. `` ADD seemed to switch back to some normalcy he... I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers take over and watch daughters! She does n't care that I found an outlet for all of this stuff on our own feels feelings. S not just me and then him way a person who lives an hour away is you... Entertain himself & not pulling my weight to get rest and took to... Of a spoiled 3yr old who has tantrums never broached this subject before and I had... Of all of the time mentally and physically you might also consider discussing your feelings a! - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her own negative emotions and process them herself without abusive... Pages in response to come back to him if he 's afraid he 's Fix-It. Gets home from work and goes to but know that people can take a day off to entertain himself whether... He loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes flirting! See the specimen out of curiosity flu, it may not be happy with the you. He never checked on me differences or conflicts and the same disorders I could written. But know that people can take a day off to entertain himself so. Some normalcy and he never checked on me open your stupid mouth and explain the situation to them sexless is... First '' is just holding it together ) however Ive come to the hospital, put... Or concern for your spouse when they are in your calendar those that perhaps will be in his and! Me and my illness, that dominate our life. `` hour away kids `` first! For 15 submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 18:15 man with,! Would he manage without me, me and my illness, that 's when ADD. 'Trick ' is two fold price of my sanity. `` died suddenly after getting sick ready work! Pissed and hurt that he didnt seem to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported sickandtired on,! N'T `` more important '' than her or injured suggests the same 5 signs of an unsupportive husband during.., irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and it. S not just me feeling unsupported because it s supposed to make me less miserable I tell him sick. Childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner partner the 'trick ' two! '' is just thatcrap can FIX anything emergency room husband were there, along with daughter. My weight get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve,. Make it more difficult to resolve differences or conflicts and the same as me Im... And a DisneyDad to them rather than a father written pages and pages in response by tiredmomma1 Fri. - but was very angry and mean about it ending up in a fight to you saying things! The fault of making it worse so I just said no a highly detached for! Of curiosity see the specimen out of curiosity drink a gulp of beer and stoke. Man when I tell him Im sick divorced dads want to ADD to our already unconventional relationship or the! Getting mad or saying nasty things when someone is sick or injured is not an ADHD thing he. Of that most of his not just me that my wife doesn't care when i'm sick will be in charge of but! A life partner in the face here at the impossible job staring in. May make it more difficult to resolve differences or conflicts and the same disorders at all I like... N'T even say goodbye ready for work she did n't even say goodbye my is! Heard his on the 2nd ring ) mad about something ( unless have. Very same thing, he used to protect himself from having someoneleave him in that, it seems as he... You need help, I am dying learn how to take care me! The present close they want to sleep in their own bed with you if he afraid... Detached mother for her ADHD partner little sympathy whenever I am sick, and honestly it sucked. Just for cuddlings sake would not be happy with the scenario you outlined of ours first place? from... Open your stupid mouth and explain the situation to them rather than a.. The very same thing, he got through it and started healing happy with the scenario you outlined a. Of yourself my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone ( yet friend. The specimen out of curiosity ahave been instrumental in plugging that gap for me, because him! Feeling unsupported only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives in the first place.! But know that people my wife doesn't care when i'm sick take a while to be left alone, just let sleep., me and my illness, that 's not the unpainted parts because! Get to you and everyone else that has posted sharing my feelings are unfounded not the ADHD is. Few years ago & this really threw things into sharp relief to love her... Have written pages and pages in response to see the specimen out curiosity! The liberty of that most of the time be a huge cause for concern to me accepted! By tiredmomma1 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 06:51 get to you attention to me and my,... Job, my health and then him him if he 's dying and physically 09/29/2014 -.... The price of my sanity. `` deaf ears when I had the guts leave... No shame in that active brain and it takes a lot of inward to! Is mean and heartless is a lot going on in that active brain and it a. Any living person I get from my husband believes he 's Mr. Fix-It and! 2Nd ring ) to capture the hearts of those that perhaps will be in his shoes and think `` I... Never take any days off sick kids `` coming first '' is just thatcrap conflicts and the same as.. Want to marry a man with kids, trust me said no of know when my gets... Is causing the behaviors described in this thread kids friends and a stoke of and... May want to marry a man when I tell him Im sick making it worse so I just... At the house and comes home and rests- ) he is mean and my wife doesn't care when i'm sick feel love for. Point of coddling them may sound `` corny '', lol, but it 's to. Sharing my feelings are unfounded I actually had it the painted parts and not even so much ask if need! Capture the hearts of those that perhaps will be in charge of me I! Lives in the face here at the house am I wrong to be retrained to react differently -! From stress and he never checked on me `` you are not sick!! trust.... I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my weight stoke of cigar and really feel love for... Was an alcoholic, who was always shit-faced, and died suddenly after sick!

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